Gmail Crack
by rachael-green-bakura
Summary: A Gmail RP with one of my best friends. Bakura drugged up out of his mind. 'Nuff said. RxB


_Puzzleshipping4ever caught me on Gmail. Since she had been at camp we were thrilled. This contains mostly a huge idea for a crackfic, and does contain the spoiler hilarity line. It also has Ryo three months pregnant like he is in the mpreg. For those of you who don't know, Bakura is terrified of hospitals. I'm doing Bakura, Ryo, and Sanura (My RP character). Sanura is more or less me, my little side thoughts. Puzzleshipping4ever's gmail name is Kaigara, but we call her Michelle. I'm not gonna spell check this or edit it at all so hope you can read it :D_

* * *

Kaigara: Hey guess what  
I'm home

Sent at 10:17 PM on Saturday

Kaigara: so you shoudl like talk to me cause dads making me get off early tonight

Sent at 10:18 PM on Saturday

Kaigara: Fo serious where are you

Sent at 10:21 PM on Saturday

Ryo: I was in the shower  
I set it to Busy

Sent at 10:27 PM on Saturday

Ryo: Okay, where are YOU?  
I'm all alone pver here  
over*  
Sanura and Bakura are out

Sent at 10:31 PM on Saturday

Ryo: MICHELLE. The current mood swing is making me very lonely. Talk to me. Please?

Sent at 10:38 PM on Saturday

Ryo: Michelle, I'm gonna start crying.

Sent at 10:39 PM on Saturday

Ryo: :'(  
I'm so alone  
No one's home  
I want Bakura  
TALK TO ME

Sent at 10:43 PM on Saturday

Ryo: Fine, just ignore the pregnant boy. I'm gonna go cry in a corner until you GET THE FUCK ON. Or until Sanura and Bakura get home. Whichever comes first. :'(

Sent at 10:45 PM on Saturday

Kaigara: god damn it

Ryo: THERE YOU ARE!

Kaigara: I'm back I cry cause your nto on then dad sits down to talk milatry shit and i coem back and you wnated to talk  
my lide fails  
life

Ryo: I was so alone  
I had been in the shower  
I set it to Busy...  
Bakura and Sanura aren't here  
Just me  
I was lonely

Kaigara: well now I iz back from talking to dad, apprently the military wnats my brain cause they clale dmy house wwhiel I was gone wanting to talks to me

Ryo: DON'T LEAVE ME  
Well, you asked for stories and man do we have a story

Kaigara: I won't leave o.o untill 11:30 cause dad fails , and yes story story

Ryo: Guess **why** Sanura and Bakura have left me all alone  
Wait  
11:30 my time or yours?

Kaigara: Mine not yours and I havent a clue there can only be abillion and 2 reasons

Ryo: Because Sanura forced him to go to the hospital and didn't want me going all preggo over there  
Bakura's in the hospital  
She's with him  
I want to be

Kaigara: why the hell is he in the hospital

Ryo: Marik pushed him off the roof  
And he snapped both bones in his forearm  
Then tried to split it himself

Kaigara: Damn it is Marik beign punished for it at leats soemwhat, and Kura you can't splint your arms if there both broken  
wait fail  
ones broken

Ryo: No, only his right arm is broken  
I mean both the...what the hell arm the bones?  
Radius and the Ulna this what this random website says.

Kaigara: Well Tell Kura when he gets home he's an idiot, what the fuck were they doing on the roof anyway

Ryo: I don't even know  
But they're both at fault  
Bakura pushed Marik first and it became them screwing around until Bakura fell  
Then he punched Marik in the face  
With the broken arm  
Which is surprisingly the only time we got a shriek for him  
from*  
He was very good, we only got hisses and "Ow...ow...owowowow...ow."  
But that isn't the end of the story

Kaigara: Jeeez thats not the end

Ryo: It started healing wrong.  
both bones were snapped clean in two and we could tell it was screwing up  
Sanura took hi to the hospital to get the bones rebroken and splinted correctly

Kaigara: Well at least she convinced him to go, and maybe this will teach them nto to fuck around on a roof

Ryo: Malik told Marik no sex for three weeks, so Marik learned his lesson  
Bakura I'm more worried about  
I can't threaten him with the same because we both know that sometimes the baby makes me reeeeeeeeally horny  
I WANT TO BE WITH HIM  
But he's also entered under my name so I can't just show up  
Sanura said she'd be home around 11:30  
It's 11:20

Sent at 11:20 PM on Saturday

Kaigara did not receive your chat.

Kaigara: Well it's nice to knwo you still get horny, well thats nice to know that I coem home to well Bakura and Marik being a idiot I swear if Marik comes to sulk at my house again...He's going in my closet  
(resent)

Ryo: (thank you)  
Malik was really pissed  
I've never seen him that mad  
I was scared for him and I don't even like Marik

Sent at 11:24 PM on Saturday

Kaigara: Marik a good guy when's he's nto being a totally crazy idiot, which can be rare at times and Malik mad = run like you when your mad I wouldnt wnat to be on either end of your guys anger

Ryo: Nice to know I'm scary  
People view me as the soft and gentle one just because Kura's my yami  
3 more minutes and they'll be home :)  
I at least hope the cast makes him more comfortable  
He wasn't sleeping at night  
Trying to find a position where he could both hold me and not be in pain  
He slept when I woke up and he didn't have to hold me

Sent at 11:28 PM on Saturday

Kaigara: D: damn it he is so stubborn

Ryo: He really is  
I HEARD THE DOOR OPEN

Sanura Seikatsu has joined.

Bakura Touzoku has joined.

Sanura: Don't listen to anything he says  
He's drugged up out of his mind

Kaigara: Thats interesting, so how was the trip?

Sanura: Painful  
Bakura wanted out the whole time  
Then they drugged him out with painkillers  
And all coherent thought abandoned him

Bakura: I just saw a pony in the yard

Sanura: There's no pony in the yard, Bakura

Kaigara: is it ok to laugh

me: ((I''m giggling like an idiot and we just started. That was the point of drugging him. I've always wanted to write Bakura drugged up))  
((Just wait'll I get to my secret-weapon-all-caps line))

Ryo: I missed you, Kura!

Bakura: Fluffy hikari~ ilunlm

Kaigara: Kura is funny I laugh at you and yay for Ry

Sanura: I don't even know what to do with him like this  
I can't even make fun of him he's so screwed over  
Like George Bush

Bakura: He looked like a monkey!

Ryo: Bakura, your giggle is scaring me

Kaigara: wiat he just giggled, damn he most be out-of-it if he's giggling

Bakura: There are rainbow colored spots everywhere

Sanura: Yeah...reeeeeeeally out of it

Bakura: They're pretty~

Sent at 11:37 PM on Saturday

Kaigara: I am laughing so hard right now, Kura are the colors purrty?

Bakura: Yes, they are

Ryo: Bakura, why don't you sleep the drugs off...

Bakura: Ryo will you marry me?

Ryo: We're already engaged, Bakura

Bakura: We are?

Ryo: Yes

Kaigara: Bakura, go back to your colors, careful of the flying fish though it might come after you

Bakura: Okay

Kaigara: **shakes head**

Bakura: Ryo, can I lick you?

Ryo: -_-  
Sure

Bakura: Yaaaaaaaay

Kaigara: O.o

Ryo: **wipes cheek**

Bakura: I love you Ry

Sent at 11:42 PM on Saturday

me: ((I really want to unleash the secret-weapon-all-caps-line that Susan came up with...so I think I'll do that now. I was gonna save it but I don't feel like it))

Kaigara: ( you do that w you knwo what...I luv cussing)  
Kura scary on drugs

Bakura: **looks down** Oh my gods...Ryo!

Ryo: What is it?

Bakura: **grabs at chest** MY BOOBS ARE GONE!  
WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!

Sanura: **facepalm**

Kaigara: **stares at screen onc emroe before dying in her seat**

me: ((exactly my reaction when Susan blurted it out when we we're talking about this))

Kaigara: ((kjikahwbew))

Bakura: THEY'RE **GONE!** JUST VANISHED!  
CURSE YOU WILL WHEATON

Ryo: You never had boobs to begin with, Bakura

Bakura: RYO WE MUST GO TO THE THIEVING HOSPITAL AND GET THEM BACK

Ryo: Bakura, why don't we wait until the drugs wear off before doing that...

Bakura: **NO YOU MUST PAY FOR THE SURGERY**

Kaigara: Kura calm down the hospital didn't steal them they were just moved

Bakura: MY BOOBS ARE GONE NOT MOVED

Kaigara: No you see they took the bewbs and then they changed them and put them back

Sanura: Yeah, your boobs are now your balls

Bakura: SINCE WHEN AM I A GUY?

Ryo: Since forever...

Kaigara: **facepalm**

Bakura: Oh my Gods I have a PENIS

Ryo: Bakura, pull up your pants

((Turn this into a twoshot Y/Y?))

Kaigara: (( no idea what you said but yes))

me: ((Twoshot. Chapter 1: The accident. Chapter 2: Bakura drugged up out of his mind. The end))

Kaigara: (( go for its))

Bakura: But...But...Boobs are a source of power in a house...Bill Engvall said so...*sniff*

Ryo: You aren't crying are you?  
Dammit, **I'm** supposed to be the emotional one

Bakura: HAVE YOU SEEN SANURA'S! I REFUSE TO HAVE LESS POWER THAN HER!

Sanura: I'm not dealing with him.

Sanura Seikatsu has left.

Kaigara: You can not do that to me thats just cruel I don't wanna deal with him I'll just end up pickign on him

Ryo: She's playing Sims...trying to make her Bakura sim cry

Kaigara: **rolls eyes** figures

Bakura: STOP BEING EMOTIONAL RYO. WE CAN'T BOTH BE CRYING AT THE SAME TIME

Ryo: So you admit to it

Bakura: MY BOOBS ARE GONE, RYO. THIS CALLS FOR GRIEVING

Ryo: **sighs**

Kaigara: Kura there not gone weve been throuigh this they just changed you still have them just differnt

Bakura: **WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!**  
I blame Kirbopher  
It must be his fault  
ZOMGWTFBBQ A BLUE EYES JUST FLEW BY THE WINDOW

Kaigara: ...Ry you got your hands full tonight

Ryo: Don't I know it  
Bakura, No blue eyes just flew by the window unless it was Kaiba's ridiculous jet

Bakura: HI SETO  
SUE THE HOSPITAL FOR ME PLEASE?

Ryo: **facepalm**

Sent at 12:00 AM on Sunday

Kaigara: **stifles a laugh** Kura why don't you just call Seto and tell him to sue them for you that way

Ryo: No, you didn't just tell him that...!  
Bakura, put the phone down

Bakura: But I love it...

Ryo: That does it.  
You win  
You're never going back to the hospital if you need drugs in the process  
You react too much to them

Bakura: But then I won't see Muffin the Unicorn anymore

Kaigara: your seeign things Kura there is no muffin unicorn

me: ((I don't know if I'm still on painkillers or hallucinations XD))  
((Bakura's just fucked up at this point))

Kaigara: (( yea no kidding tho if he actaully made that call to seto I totally wnat a reocrding of that xD))

me: ((Done, I'll email the recording to you))

Kaigara: (( yessssssssssssssssss))

me: ((Ryo just let him have the phone))

Ryo: Go ahead I don't care  
Anymore  
I'm exhausted  
Why do we always have so many problems?

Sent at 12:05 AM on Sunday

Kaigara: Because relaity and fate are a bitch?

Ryo: Don't I know that one  
**holds stomach**  
How's she for reality and fate?

Bakura: HE

Ryo: Oh, hey, we got something normal

Kaigara: hes too stubborn to let that one go even on drugs

Bakura: SETO HUNG UP ON ME

Kaigara: I wonder why

Bakura: SO DO I  
MY ReASON WAS VALID

Kaigara: what did you tell him?

Bakura: That the hospital stole my boobs

Sent at 12:10 AM on Sunday

Kaigara: thats it, well I thought it woudl humor him

Ryo: I texted him in the middle of their conversation

Sent at 12:13 AM on Sunday

Bakura: How could you do that, Ryo?  
It wasn't nice

Kaigara: Because hes Ry and he cna do w.e he wnats

Ryo: Actually I had to warn Seto not to take him seriously...although he probably wouldn't've anyway

Sent at 12:15 AM on Sunday

Kaigara: with a call like that I doubt he take it serious

me: ((Sent the recording))

Kaigara: (( **snorts** has read)

Ryo: Does Seto always read his texts out loud when he's on the phone?

Bakura: He does, actually

Kaigara: So you saying if I texted him liek I dunno "my mom baught me two cheesburges and this lady had a baby on the street" he totally read that outloud

Bakura: If he was on the phone with someone he would read it under his breath  
IT'S A GIANT MUSHROOM!  
**MAYBE IT'S FRIENDLY!**

Kaigara: ...

Ryo: Bed. Now.

Kaigara: Kura go to bed other wise the giant mushroom will eat you and yourt favorite knife

Bakura: Ryo, it's not my bedtiiiiiiiiiiiiiime

Ryo: Stop whining  
Go sleep off the drugs  
Or or or...umm...  
I won't let you name the baby if it's aboy

Bakura Touzoku has left.

Kaigara: damn

Ryo: Ha! I didn't actually think it would work through the drug-induced haze  
Guess he was still somewhat coherant  
I wonder if I should tell him in the morning that I wasn't being serious

Kaigara: think of it this way, if he remembers you in trouble if nto scott free

Ryo: Because I've come up with jackshit for male names  
EEh, I guess so  
With the hormones making me horny I need a new threat when he toes the line too much

Sent at 12:24 AM on Sunday

Ryo: Bakura just asked a good, coherent question...  
"How am I supposed to get my shirt off with one arm and a sling?"  
I guess I have to go help him...

Sent at 12:27 AM on Sunday

Kaigara: Yea and I have to get off my comp

Ryo: Okay, I need to help Bakura get ready for bed  
Then I guess I'll go to bed  
Baby drains my energy like e leech

Kaigara: I bet, 2 week of hardly any sleep i feel like I coudl sleep for moons

Ryo: Tomorrow the real fun begins  
Sanura said that the hospital says that he wont remember anything from when he was drugged  
We can have fun with that  
"Bakura, do you still want to go and get your boobs back?" and such

Kaigara: pfffft hellls yea

Ryo: Night

Kaigara: good night its so good ot be home

Ryo: It's so good to have you back  
((Ugh I've reached total writers block. We need to muse the mpreg sometime soon))

Kaigara: Good to be back Ry it feels good to be back  
(mkay maybe tomarrow when i'm not groggy as hell)

me: (( G'night. I think I'll put this on DevART))

Sent at 12:33 AM on Sunday

Kaigara: (Good night i'm going to go die on my bed now screw staying up a little later I'm fuckign tired)

me: ((XD Good night. Cya tomorrow))

Kaigara: (( night w and see ya tomarrow)

Sent at 12:35 AM on Sunday

Kaigara is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Kaigara comes online.

* * *

_I thoroughly enjoyed myself, although I admit to getting carried away with the whole boob thing. Whatever, we had fun. You wish you spend an hour and a half of your night writing this crack. Also, heres the email I sent Shell if anyone so desires to see the phone call:_

* * *

The following is copied directly from the tape set into their answering machine.

Seto: Hello?

Bakura: Seto-you-have-to-sue-the-hospital-for-me-they-stole-my-boobs.

Seto: ...Run that by me again.

Bakura: You have to sue the hospital for me. NOW.

Seto: Why do I need to sue the hospital this time, Bakura? This isn't the first time you've brought this up.

Bakura: Because they stole something very important to me.

Seto: You mean you actually went to one?

Bakura: I WAS FORCED INTO IT.

Seto: It's after midnight and I've been working all day. I'd like to go to bed, so just tell me what they stole.

Bakura: THEY STOLE MY-

Seto: Hang on. I'm getting a text. *sigh* What does Ryo want? "Don't listen to him, the hospital gave him heavy painkillers. He's drugged up out of his mind."

Bakura: RYO, YOU TRAITOR, I AM NOT!

Seto: Just tell me what they stole so I can go to bed.

Bakura: MY BREASTS!

*click*

Bakura: SETO HUNG UP ON ME!

Bakura: SO DO I!

Bakura: MY REASON WAS VALID!

* * *

Don't own Yugioh, just own the references to my mpreg.

Cookie to everyone who caught the Avatar: The Last Airbender reference. Just had a whim to throw that out there at the time. He was becoming too much like the old, coherent Bakura I usually play.

Hopefully a new chapter of the mpreg will pop up shortly after our musing session tomorrow

Also, I'm not really sure where Will Wheaton and Kirbopher come into the picture, but for those who don't know, Will Wheaton is an actor on Star Trek and Kirb is on a Podcast we listen to called Wha-Chow!


End file.
